Dirty Dancing and Double Dare. Madonna and New Kids On The Block. Slouch socks and tee shirt clips. Everybody loves the 80's. Unfortunately, "everybody" includes Hollywood execs who won't stop sullying our perfect memories by trying and (more often than not) failing to recapture the magic of popular movies and TV shows of that bygone era. This coming week, you can celebrate Valentine's Day by heading to theaters and seeing not one, not two, but THREE remakes of films that originally came out three decades ago. There's the romcom "About Last Night", an update of the 1986 film starring Demi Moore and Rob Lowe. Or there's "Endless Love", the romantic thriller with Gabriella Wilde in the Brooke Shields role from the 1981 original. Or, for something completely different, there's "RoboCop", with Joel Kinnaman ("The Killing") filling in for Peter Weller in a sleek new version of the 1987 classic. If this is a sign of things to come, Hollywood's 80's nostalgia is just getting started -- which is saying something, considering the vast number of titles that have already been rebooted. So before even more 80's films get shiny new updates (new versions of "Dirty Dancing" and "The Neverending Story" are in process), let's take a look at the Good, the Bad, and the Mediocre of the 80's remakes thus far:
Starring Chris Hemsworth as the leader of a group of American teenagers who rebel against foreign invaders, this remake sat on the shelf for three years due to MGM's financial struggles. It probably should have stayed there. Finally released in 2012, the update of the 1984 film starring Patrick Swayze failed critically, commercially and creatively. The original featured high schoolers fighting back against Soviet Union paratroopers, a topical alternate-universe allegory at the time. The remake lacks any sense of timeliness or urgency, with the kids facing off against random Asian baddies instead. (Originally the villains were meant to be Chinese, but the studio was worried about losing business in China, so all the uniforms and flags were digitally changed in post-production to North Korean, rendering the title nonsensical.)
If there's a genre synonymous with the 80's, it's horror. "Halloween" kickstarted the slasher craze in 1978, and the 80's saw a glut of similarly-themed films, including the three above (the former two of which were released in 1980, the latter of which came out in 1984). In the late aughts, Hollywood started resurrecting these long-dormant franchises, usually to less-than-stellar results. "Prom Night" is the epitome of derivative. "Friday The 13th" is an uninspired rehash that fails to add anything new to the franchise. "A Nightmare On Elm Street" is perhaps the worst of all, reducing legendary comic villain Freddie Krueger to a grim, humorless, dime-a-dozen boogeyman. A nightmare, indeed.
To be fair, Arnold Schwarzenegger's 1982 isn't exactly a shining star of quality cinema, but Ahnold fans remember the schlocky action-adventure film fondly. The remake, starring Jason Momoa ("Game Of Thrones"), failed to live up to its predecessor in every way, adding gimmicky 3D and gore aplenty and forsaking any semblance of plot, character, dialogue or acting. While the original "Conan" is imbued with a campy sense of self-awareness, the remake takes itself far too seriously. And apologies to Momoa -- but try as he might, he's simply no Schwarzenegger.
When "Fame" came out in 1980 starring Irene Cara, it was a one-of-a-kind film: a musical starring young unknowns grappling with such controversial issues as abortion, homosexuality and sexual abuse while attending a high school for performing arts. It was nominated for several Oscars, including screenplay and editing. In the age of "American Idol", "High School Musical" and "Glee", we're already over-saturated with autotuned young people. Add in the fact that this glossy, poppy remake excised all potentially-upsetting plots in favor of family-friendly conflicts like "strict parents" and "mean teachers", and you have the makings of a sure-fire failure.
The original 1981 film about a millionaire arranged to marry an heiress who falls in love with a working-class girl was nominated for four Oscars (including Best Actor, Supporting Actor and Original Screenplay). The sloppy remake was also nominated...for two Razzies (for Worst Prequel/Remake/Rip-Off/Sequel and Worst Actor). The 2011 update proved the rule that a little bit of Russell Brand goes a long way. While often hilarious in supporting roles, a compelling lead he does not make. Not even Helen Mirren (who took on John Gielgud's Oscar-winning supporting role) could save this irritating mess of a film.
While no "Casablanca", the 1981 original "Clash" is famous for featuring the final stop-motion work of film legend Ray Harryhausen. Most people familiar with the myth of Perseus and Medusa today owe that to the swords-and-sandals epic. The new "Clash" couldn't measure up to its predecessor's legacy, but it's far from the worst film on this list. The remake's success was undoubtedly hampered by a slipshod post-production 3D conversion that was largely responsible for kicking off the anti-extra-dimension backlash. But scenery-chewing supporting turns by Liam Neeson and Ralph Fiennes as Zeus and Hades along with the now-ubiquitous phrase "Release the Kraken!" make this version a definite guilty pleasure.
The newest iteration of John W. Campbell's novella "Who Goes There?" isn't technically a remake of John Carpenter's iconic 1982 thriller. Strictly speaking, it's a prequel that tells the story of the Norwegian research team which incites the events of the '82 version. But in telling this "new" story, it hits all the same beats as Carpenter's film, making it a remake for all intents and purposes. The 2011 film isn't entirely a loss -- it has its fair share of scares and creepy-crawly effects. But it relies far too much on cheap jump scares over the slow-burn tension that Carpenter so masterfully built. The 1982 "Thing" is to this day considered one of the best horror movies of all time, which raises the question: why attempt a remake at all?
The first film remake of an 80's TV show on this list, Michael Mann's new version of the classic series swapped out Don Johnson for Colin Farrell, Philip Michael Thomas for Jamie Foxx, and substance for style. Make no mistake -- the updated "Vice" looks great, with Mann's distinctive visual style perfectly suited to the material. The show was widely considered one of the first series to craft its own distinctive look after the invention of color TV, and Mann was praised for his innovative use of digital photography, which was still relatively new at the time of the film's release. But unfortunately, Mann's film is one thing the show never was: boring. Lacking any of the splashy fun that made the series such a hit in the 80's, this "Vice" was practically DOA.
Shot guerrilla-style on a shoestring budget, the 1980 original horrified moviegoers and became something of a cult touchstone of the serial killer subgenre, anchored by a disturbing performance by Joe Spinell as Frank. The remake takes this same story and updates it with a twist: the entire film is shot from the point-of-view of Frank, so the only time you see star Elijah Wood is in reflections. This makes for a compelling and visually unique experiment in horror, with Wood playing fascinatingly against type. But the excessive gore might still prove too much for many audience members.
Released just two year's after "Taken" launched Liam Neeson to action fame, this remake of the classic TV show tried to capitalize on action fans' growing fondness for Neeson as well as Bradley Cooper's rising star. While the film may be lacking in anything resembling a coherent plot, it does manage to capture much of the over-the-top, noisy spirit of the original series. Inarguably overblown, overlong, and pretty much over-everything (one action set piece involves a parachuting tank), it's hard to argue that "The A-Team" isn't also a heck of a lot of fun.
Like the newest version of "The Thing", this "Evil Dead" isn't technically a remake. Instead, it's a re-imagining of Sam Raimi's 1981 cabin-in-the-woods classic, featuring a new cast of characters and new backstory, but hitting many of the same beats as the original. Unlike "The Thing", however, this "Evil Dead" still manages to feel fresh while paying homage to its inspiration. Many diehard fans of the original decried this version's shortage of the humor that made Raimi's film so memorable. But what it lacks in laughs, it makes up for in buckets and buckets of fake blood. Raimi, who produced the reboot, has touted it as the version of the film he was trying to make back in the 80's, this time with the help of a budget sufficient enough to do his gory imagination justice.
It feels almost like blasphemy to say it, but the remake of the beloved 1984 martial arts-themed film was...actually pretty good. Jackie Chan was the perfect choice to step into the legendary shoes of Mr. "Wax-On-Wax-Off" Miyagi (played in the original by Pat Morita). And Jaden Smith didn't disappoint as Ralph Macchio's replacement, bolstered by impressive moves and charm that clearly runs in his family. While it won't be replacing the original in many people's hearts and minds, this version proved to be a surprisingly affecting update that brought the empowering story to a new generation of fans.
The remake of Kevin Bacon's 1984 toe-tapping musical could easily have gone the way of "Fame" and been an utter flop. Instead, it surprised pretty much everyone by not being terrible. In fact, the new "Footloose" managed to remain true to the spirit of the original while updating the story for a new generation. Newcomer Kenny Wormald filled Bacon's dancing shoes nicely, performing alongside "Dancing With The Stars" champion Julianne Hough and an up-and-coming Miles Teller ("The Spectacular Now", the Sundance darling "Whiplash"). With high energy, fantastic choreography, and a clear respect for the source material, the new "Footloose" succeeds where so many remakes fail.
The original "Fright Night" is a campy and much-loved comedy/horror flick about a boy who learns his next-door neighbor is a vampire. The remake largely succeeds on the strength of Colin Farrell's performance. As the vampire Jerry, Farrell is effectively creepy/charming while toeing the line of camp, and clearly having a blast. The terrific cast is filled out by Anton Yelchin ("Star Trek") as Charley, Toni Collette as his mom, and David Tennant of "Doctor Who" fame as a magician/vampire expert who Charley enlists to help bring down Jerry. Fans of the original should be proud to see that the new "Fright Night" is just as smart, scary and fun as its predecessor.
Another remake that's not technically a remake. The film version of the classic 80's TV show exists within the same continuity of its source material, so it's really more of a sequel/follow-up -- but coming over two decades after the series finale, it's essentially a reboot of the story of young cops who go undercover in a high school. What makes "21 Jump Street" the best 80's remake of all time? It took a huge risk in departing from the tone and style of the original...and it paid off. The TV show was a procedural police drama that tackled such heavy themes as drugs, hate crimes, and AIDS. The film version is a raucous comedy, described by star Jonah Hill as, "an R-rated, insane, "Bad Boys"-meets-John Hughes-type movie." The new "Jump Street" serves as more than just a remake of a beloved relic; it's a whip-smart parody that pokes fun at the 80's and teen movie clichés while still remaining respectful of them. And who knew Jonah Hill could kick so much ass, and that Channing Tatum could be so damn funny? A sequel, "22 Jump Street" is due in theaters June of this year. Here's hoping it's as successful, or I'll have to write a new list: "The Worst Sequels To 80's Remakes".
What's your favorite 80's remake? Are you going to catch any of the new remakes for V-Day? Do you think the new "RoboCop" will be Good, Bad or Mediocre? Tweet us @Stagebuddy to let us know!
