Visit our social channels!
Facebook
Twitter
YouTube
August 14, 2013
7 Powerless Movie Superheroes

2013_kick_ass_2-wide"Kick-Ass 2", in theaters this Friday, continues the story of Dave Lizewski (Aaron Taylor-Johnson), who puts on a green unitard and adopts the alias "Kick-Ass" to fight crime alongside the likes of foul-mouthed child assassin Hit Girl (Chloë Grace Moretz) and ex-mafia enforcer Colonel Stars And Stripes (Jim Carrey).  In honor of these everyday heroes who dress up in costumes and fight bad guys, I've put together a list of some of the top powerless superheroes from recent movies.  And no, characters like Iron Man and Captain America don't count.  Tony Stark and Steve Rogers might not be able to fly or turn invisible, but their mechanical suit/super-strength-serum are their superpowers.  The following heroes kick ass and take name with nothing but the shirts on their backs (and sometimes a little ninja training).

7. Jonah Hex

jonah-hex-1024The film may have been a dud, but Jonah Hex has been a popular character in the DC Universe since he was introduced back in 1972 as a gunslinging Western antihero.  The movie, starring Josh Brolin as Jonah and costarring Megan Fox as a whore with a heart of gold, was an infamous flop, garnering an atrocious 12% on Rotten Tomatoes and gaining back a mere $10.5 million of its $47 million budget.  Undoubtedly one of the reasons the film was so poorly received was its butchering of the title character.  In the comics, Jonah is truly powerless, with his biggest strength being his incredible marksmanship -- in one comic he even managed to kill Superman with kryptonite bullets!  But for the movie, the writers thought it would be a great idea to give him powers he never had in the source material -- namely, an ability to reanimate and speak with corpses.  It was a bizarre supernatural twist to a previously down-to-earth character that had most fans crying foul.  However, in another dimension, Josh Brolin might have actually made a great (powerless) Jonah with his gravelly voice and badass attitude.  Too bad we'll probably never know.

6. Green Hornet

KatoWhile not as universally panned as "Jonah Hex", no one would argue that "The Green Hornet", starring Seth Rogen as the titular hero, is a great film.  It can't quite seem to decide if it's a superhero movie or a spoof of superhero movies.  But the character of Britt Reid has been around for ages, first popping up in a radio serial way back in 1936 (where the character was supposedly the grandnephew of The Lone Ranger himself, John Reid).  Green Hornet and his trusty sidekick Kato have been scourges of the criminal underworld for almost seven decades now, which definitely earns them a place on this list.  And in a nice twist, these heroes aren't just masked vigilantes fighting criminals -- they're masked vigilantes pretending to be criminals in order to fight criminals.  They don't get any cheers and adoration like Superman or Spider-Man, which makes their commitment to crime-fighting all the more admirable.

5. The Punisher

the-punisherWearing his famous black t-shirt with white skull logo, Frank Castle, aka The Punisher, has been striking fear into the heart of bad guys since first appearing in an edition of "The Amazing Spider-Man" in 1974.  A veteran of the U.S. military, he uses his hardcore training and weapons expertise to take down the mob bosses who killed his family...and then he keeps on killing, defending the weak through brutal means.  The character has gone through many iterations onscreen, having been portrayed by Dolph Lundgren, Thomas Jane and Ray Stevenson.  None of the movies have been able to successfully recreate the magic of Marvel's most beloved antihero, but there's no denying Frank Castle's general level of badassery.

4. Green Arrow

ARROW_Green-ArrowOkay, so this one's not a movie, but Green Arrow deserves a place on this list, and he's made one of the most successful superhero transitions to the small screen in recent memory.  (Other efforts, like the David E. Kelly "Wonder Woman" pilot, fell woefully short.)  But this character has found a steady home in "Arrow" on the CW, played by the ridiculously ripped Stephen Amell.  Billionaire playboy Oliver Queen was stranded on a desert island after a shipwreck that killed his father, where he had to learn how to survive using only a bow and arrow.  When he returns to Starling City, he decides to fight crime using his newfound talent.  Green Arrow gets bonus points for his creative projectile inventions, including smoke, nets, bombs and grappling hooks.  The parallels to Bruce Wayne are unavoidable (billionaire playboy becomes masked vigilante after death of parent with help of vast fortune), but Amell plays Oliver Queen with just enough wit and pathos to make "Arrow" an enjoyable weekly watch.

3. Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (Nick Fury/Hawkeye/Black Widow/Coulson)

Black-Widow-Hawkeye-itf-puffycheaks1-and-callie2899-32735026-500-270Last summer's mega blockbuster "The Avengers" centered around plenty of super-powered superheroes: Iron Man, Captain America, Thor and The Hulk.  But filling out the roster of heroes were the various agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., none of whom possess supernatural abilities.  They include leader Nick Fury, archer Hawkeye and spy Black Widow (played by Samuel L. Jackson, Jeremy Renner and Scarlett Johnansson, respectively).  While they may not have the flying suit or super strength or magic hammer of the core group, they are often just as heroic, and provide a much-needed dose of humanity to the often overblown proceedings.  The stories of the puny humans caught in the midst of warring demigods was deemed interesting enough that the agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. are being spun off into their own TV show on ABC this fall, headlined by fan-favorite Agent Coulson (Clark Gregg).  Alas, Fury/Hawkeye/Widow won't be making the leap to the small screen, but early reports say we're still in for one heck of a treat.

2. The Crimebusters (Rorschach/Nite Owl II/Silk Spectre II/The Comedian)

watchmen1When Zach Snyder adapted Alan Moore's beloved graphic novel "Watchmen" to the big screen, fans were bitterly divided.  Some praised Snyder for his faithfulness to the novel's spirit, while others decried certain plot departures as unnecessary.  But whichever end of the spectrum you fell on, there was no denying the general badassery of its main group of heroes (known in the novel as The Crimebusters).  In Moore's parallel-universe-America, there is a long history of crime-fighting vigilantes.  When the original vigilante group The Minutemen were all killed or retired, The Crimebusters took over the duties, with some even adopting the aliases and costumes of the original Minutemen.  But when Nixon made vigilantism illegal, the heroes were forced into hiding...until the murder of one of their own drove them out again.  Only one of The Crimebusters had actual superpowers: the glowing blue (and often naked) Dr. Manhattan, a victim of a horrible radiation accident.  The rest of the team was rounded out by normal humans with varying psychological disorders who, like the heroes of "Kick-Ass", just liked to dress up and fight bad guys.  Rorschach, with his ink-blot mask and unhinged personality, is the most memorable of the bunch, and Jackie Earle Haley's portrayal of the crazed antihero was the highlight of the film.

1. Batman

christian-bale-batmanBruce Wayne: the undisputed champion of powerless superheroes.  Of the top echelon of comic book heroes, including the likes of Superman, Spider-Man and the X-Men, Batman is the only one to not possess any supernatural abilities of his own.  Driven by the murder of his parents, he fights crime with the various gadgets and weapons afforded to him by his massive wealth.  Although the character has been portrayed famously -- and infamously -- by several actors throughout the years, no one matched Christian Bale in Christopher Nolan's Dark Knight trilogy for sheer believability.  He was truly just a man -- a man spurred by his own sense of responsibility to protect the city that he loved.  He bleeds and he feels just like the rest of us mere mortals (while dressed up like a giant bat, of course).  This is why Superman will likely never have the modern success that Batman has enjoyed: Clark Kent is simultaneously too perfect and too alien to make a compelling hero.  It's hard to relate to a flawless character, and Bruce Wayne has flaws aplenty, especially as portrayed Christian Bale.  His Batman was a haunted but determined mess who was constantly battling demons both external and internal, and who was as often responsible for creating his nemeses as he was for defeating them.

Share this post to Social Media
Written by: Jefferson Grubbs
More articles by this author:

Other Interesting Posts

LEAVE A COMMENT!

Or instantly Log In with Facebook